[theresonlyoneMELLO!]

Fahrenheit 451 Meltdown

cmel — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 18:51:54 +0000

Some of you may know that though I am the teacher’s aide, I am given the task of teaching Literature to our students. Before you get impressed (or like, barely impressed), know that it’s so haywire and backwards that it barely resembles a normal English class.

Currently, we are reading through Fahrenheit 451. The kids love it, which makes me love it.

But, as normal, moments of great learning correspond with equally as “great” moments of academic meltdown.

I handed out a vocabulary sheet today and we were reading the definitions out loud together. It was turning into a good discussion on the power of words… when it came to Gerald’s turn to read:

Me: “Alright Gerry, what does number five say?”
Gerald: “It says… ‘Carmello – A man who reads the Bible.’ Hahahahahaha!”

The rest of the class started laughing. I just rolled my eyes and thought, “Why.”

- [MELLO!]

I Wish You Weren’t a Liar

cmel — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 18:47:04 +0000

Hello internet, I do believe we’ve MET before…

The public outcry was TOO much for me to take anymore. You all love me! You need me! The show must go on! “Love me love me say that you love me…”

Actually there was no public outcry. Just one person wondering why I haven’t posted in awhile hahaha.

See what I just did? I lied, then confessed the truth. That’s part of my New Year’s resolution. If I’m going to lie, then follow through with it.

Anyway, I find I’m the most pleased with my writing when I’m telling stories, whether they’re real or not haha. And I miss telling YOU ALL the stories from my life – the good, the bad, and (most importantly), the bizarre. So as 2010 begins, I’m committing myself to a resolution I can actually follow through with – storytelling.

Love me love me say that you love me.

- [MELLO!]

AND GOOD TILLED EARTH

cmel — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 22:19:40 +0000

Sorry I’ve been away for so long… but the earth was calling me. No, not PLANET Earth. I mean the DIRT outside. I’ve been out there tilling away, listening to the Lord of the Rings soundtrack hahahaha, all the while talking to the local folk hahahah. Who am I?

Ok so you’re all probably asleep by this point, but I’m SORry this is what I have been DOing! I’ve also been listening to The Beatles like MAD. I can’t help it. Have any of you seen their first show here in the States? Check this out. It’s world-changing. At the time it was such a big deal for these lads from Liverpool to come over and SHOW themselves to all of us. They played a 5 song set on The Ed Sullivan Show and MAN, just WAIT till you hear the screaming girls. The Bealtes just have such good stage presence:

Also, this is my summer jam. I bet you’ll all be talking about Passion Pit by the end of 2009.

Sorry this is so sporadic. I need to get back into the swing of things here, aka dust out my brain.

- [MELLO!]

I’ve got a rash in the shape of Spring.

cmel — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 00:07:51 +0000

My apologies to all my readers for the lack of posts lately. I was trying to figure out exactly why I haven’t written in awhile and I came to the conclusion – it’s Spring and I am ITCHING to get out of my house and into the loving arms of Mother Nature.

I’ve been playing The Beatles’ “Getting Better” over and over, so you know I’m just ready to start having a dance party in the woods. Blogging is more of a fall and winter thing for me, sorry to say. I almost feel a lack of creativity right now. As if everything fun, entertaining, and worthwhile exists elsewhere than from this keyboard.

What I’ve been spending a lot of time on is my garden. And oh man… I can’t WAIT to get out there. I was so antsy about this year that I decided to venture into growing plants from seeds. Normally I just buy a couple flats of seedlings and plant away come the warm weather… but this year I’m planting 10 asparagus crowns, and I’m currently growing several peat pots of cabbage and peas. I’m super excited about this!

Every morning I get up and pray and almost the first thing I ask God to bless is my garden hahahahahaha. No lie. It’s just automatic. I can’t help it.

SPRING! GET HERE ALREADY!

- [MELLO]

I laughed SO hard the first time I saw this.

cmel — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 00:28:09 +0000

And I was probably about 19 years old.

Planes, Trains, & Automobiles isn’t my favorite John Hughes movie (that would be Uncle Buck), but he knew how to get the best out of John Candy. You don’t need to know anything about the plot in this movie in order to appreciate this scene. Trust me.

And because it’s unfair to even MENTION Uncle Buck and not SHOW you some of it, here’s the greatest scene of any movie of all time. My brother and I still have NO IDEA why the schoolteacher yells “BLASPHEMER!” You’ll see what I mean. Also, when Buck pulls his Cadillac right up to the front door of the school, and that MUSIC starts playing ahahah, I always think of Joey Hyndman hahahahaha. This is for you Joe.

- [HE'S COOKIN' OUR GARBAGE!]

P.S. Ok, one more. I just found this. I’m TELLING you guys, this movie may be heaven.

I LIKES DA MONEY… but now I gots none! What HAPPENED!?

cmel — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 00:34:04 +0000

Normally I’m writing posts that involve hilarious snippets about my day with some nutty kids, or I’m posting some media that’s been inspiring my world. Today, this post is one part entertainment, one part creativity, and one part education. I know, this is all so sudden.

Our nation’s in a financial bind right now. We all know that. But do we all underSTAND it?

I know I sure didn’t. Not until I watched the following two videos. It’s called “The Crisis of Credit: Visualized”. Some bro made a ten-minute long flash video explaning, in its most basic form, how we got into this whole bloody mess. Now, hear me out, I was reading over the comments on Youtube and someone made the wise acknowledgement that these videos can seem outdated almost as immediately as they are created. Yes, I agree.

But this video is like an introductory course in college – very basic and very general over a wide spectrum of topics. Yes, there are other factors that are influencing this credit crunch (like politics, in my opinion), but this is the basic stuff here. It helped me to understand something I don’t REALLY understand because credit is something not so concrete. These videos helped make it concrete. Also, it’s humorous haha, which I’m all about.

And… just for good measure, here’s something hysterical and it’s only 20 seconds long! Think of it as your reward for watching something informational. I know you’ll come away from this post only thinking about this dog, but I’m cool with that.

- [MELLO!]

You know it’s a Friday when girls are breaking up with boys to clear their weekends.

cmel — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 06:26:21 +0000

It’s common, isn’t it? On Monday, a girl makes plans with a boy to hang out together that weekend. The boy spends all week hyping up and anticipating what the weekend has in store. But then guess what? Friday comes around and the girl decides to call the whole thing off. When this happens with adults we get upset, but we move on.

When this happens with teenagers, especially immature boys, ANYTHING can happen.

Take today for example.

There was an event after school that all students were allowed to attend. School was offering transportation at 5pm and it was required that the students get dressed up. One of my students, Jeff, even went out the night before to buy new clothes specifically for the event. Also, his MOM bought them. None of his own money. Keep that in mind.

But, I’m not stupid. I know that this kid could care LESS about this event and the only reason he wanted to go was to be near this girl. And if I remember correctly, several months ago Jeff approached me, with stars in his eyes, and said, “It’s crazy being in love, isn’t it Mr. C?” Yes Jeff, it is crazy. And so are you.

I walked into work this morning and before I could even say hello to anybody, Jeff was tripping over every obstacle in the classroom to get to me, demanding that I fix his tie for him. After three failed attempts all systems were go, but, as I put the tie around his neck and pulled the collar down over it, I noted how he was emitting an extreme amount of heat. I mean, I could REALLY feel it. It felt like I was warming my hands over the hood of a running car. It was this dirty kind of heat. Real thick. It creeped me out so bad. It was unnatural heat. No way was that normal. I think all his body heat was trying to make one last effort to escape before it was all trapped in his dress shirt. So vile. The rest of the day Jeff was dancing around the room with his new clothes on saying, “I’m too sexy…” and all that blah blah blah crap guys say when they’re uncomfortable being dressed up.

The day went on like that – him dancing out of love getting no work done. Then at lunch I noticed how Jeff was acting like the Fonz. He was all leaning over to talk to this love of his, complete with his feet on her chair, all the while just repeating almost anything she said. Only difference was that his mimicry always included an added F-bomb just to make a point or something. For example:

Girl: “Are you staying after today?”
Jeff: “Hellz yeah I’m effin’ staying after today!”
Girl: “Cool. This pizza is pretty good. Is it Domino’s today?”
Jeff: “F yeah! This pizza is pretty effin’ good! It might effin’ be effin’ Dominoes. I don’t effin’ know! What effin’ day is it today? F! Is it effin’ Friday? I LOVE YOU! What?! I’m effin’ effed up! EFFFFF!”

See what I mean? That’s not far from the truth. He was ALL ABOUT her today. I wanted to yak several times. I think I’ve said it before, but when you work in a high school you become a bit omniscient. I see all things. I knew Jeff liked this girl before even HE knew it. No kidding.

The best comment made about Jeff’s attire happened midday. This conversation happened between Jeff and one of his friends:

Friend: “Jeff, you look like you work at McDonald’s.”
Jeff: “Shut up man.”
Friend: “You do!”
(This is where it gets weird)
Jeff: “Well…at least I have a job!”
Friend: “What?! I said you LOOK like you work at McDonald’s. You don’t have a job you idiot!”

I didn’t laugh about that conversation when I first heard it, but when I remembered it later, I couldn’t STOP laughing.

All morning I was trying to pinpoint exactly who Jeff looked like. It was driving me crazy. But his friend figured it out for me hahaha. Jeff looked EXACLTY like he was a manager at McDonald’s: black pants, white shirt, dark tie, and white sneakers.

What makes this even funnier is that Jeff used to work at Burger King… so obviously his sense of public fashion is limited. In fact, it’s so limited that he unconsciously chose the only form of business attire he’d ever seen. But what really did me in was how convoluted their conversation became: “At least I have a job”? WHAT!? I almost died when I thought about it. He made up a lie in less than a second.

But the real point of this story happened at 3pm, the end of the day. This just did me in.

We had an activity day today, which means that at 1:30 all the kids are allowed to attend an activity they signed up for. Jeff and this girl he’s trying to woo signed up for some kind of “Mr. Roboto” game. I don’t really know what that means. It sounded bizarre. Jeff hates this kind of crap so I knew he was only motivated by love. “It’s crazy being in love, isn’t it Mr. C?” Hahahahahaha…

But something must have happened while he was there. At 3pm, when classrooms were releasing all the students out for the day, Jeff came RUNNING out of his activity classroom, withOUT the girl, as if he was running for his life. His shirt was untucked from his pants, flailing about like a boat’s sail. Meanwhile, he was bouncing off the walls down the hallway as if he was trying so hard to stand up straight. He looked sweaty and scared, like somebody was chasing him down. AND he was screaming at the top of his lungs like a maniac: “I’M NOT STAYING AFTER! I’M NOT STAYING AFTER TODAY! I’M TAKING THE BUS! I WON’T STAY AFTER TODAY! I CAN’T DO IT! GOODBYE!”

…WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

The Facts: A McDonald’s manager look-a-like with clothes specifically bought for a formal after-school event was screaming down packed hallways in a rage about how he wasn’t going anymore, when just an hour and a half earlier he was Don Juan ready to cut a rug.
Conclusion: That girl must have said or done something.

I’m telling you, it must have been her. How do I know? Well, this isn’t the first time this has happened. The first occurrence was when she rebuked him on Valentine’s Day. He bought her a box of those candy hearts and all she said was an innocent, “Oh, I don’t eat those things.”

He was thrown off so bad by that comment that several times I found him crying and then later he was sitting at lunch so STILL that I knew he was about to explode (he tells me all the time that he has Restless-Leg Syndrome… so for him to be that still was an omen of war)

And explode he did. Right when my back was turned he shoved another kid. He got a detention out of it. I wonder what happened when he went home in his McDonald’s garb and his mom freaked out about buying the clothes for no reason.

“It’s crazy being in love, isn’t it Mr. C?”

Yes.

- [MELLO!]

WE’RE JUST A MILLION LITTLE GODS CAUSING RAINSTORMS! TURNING EVERY GOOD THING TO RUST!

cmel — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 21:21:07 +0000

I randomly came across the new trailer for Spike Jones’ film adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are. It looks, I must say, undeniably incredible. Little did I know that it would also include a version of “Wake Up” by the Arcade Fire. That’s the icing on the cake. I love the costumes. The kid. The shots. The music. Everything. Looks totally unique and original:

Check out Apple Movie Trailers for higher quality Quicktime trailers of Where the Wild Things Are, especially in HD.

- [MELLO!]

KNEEL BEFORE YOUR GOD, BABYLON!

cmel — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 02:35:45 +0000

It doesn’t get much better than the Arcade Fire… and a live show doesn’t get much better than this. In my opinion, “Wake Up” is the best song of the past decade. Watch it in High Quality!:

Haha, earlier I was watching that video and my dad walked by. He saw all the fans with their raised hands and said, “What idol are they worshiping?” Hahahaha

Speaking of idol worship, check out Stephen Colbert totally destroy the entire Hollywood community at the Emmys three years ago. I love how there’s a hint of truth to everything Colbert says. Hummer and I quote this all the time:

- [MELLO!]

GOD BLESS BOB

cmel — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 02:58:04 +0000

I’ve been a fan of Irish laddie Glen Hansard (of Once fame – click here to see the movie trailer) for about a year now, but not until a couple weekends ago did I finally get my ears involved with his band, The Frames. Once again, all thanks goes to Mr. Dunn.

Then I found this video of The Frames playing their song “God Bless Mom” at Lollapalooza 2006. This may possibly be the best representation of the Indie spirit I’ve ever seen. I’m telling you, it has it ALL – hugs, grunge guitars, dancing like an idiot, crowd participation, violin , a bouncer, “Annie” references, screaming (watch Glen explode at 5:40 – it’s what he does best), and last but not least – Beatle Bob.

I was going to write out times for you to fast forward, but just do yourself a favor and watch the whole video. There is so much going on. And if you want to know who this Beatle Bob character is, well look him up on YouTube. He’s a show-going legend and his dance moves are totally out of control. Don’t be fooled though, that guy’s like 50. Incredible.

BUT, if you don’t want to watch the whole video then please just fast forward to1:54 and watch it for about 30 seconds. After some buildup, there’s a pause in the song and Glen screams numbers in such a rapid procession that I almost fell off my chair the first time I heard it. Hahahaha even thinking about it’s making me laugh. It’s one part hilarious and one part insane. Even Beatle Bob stops his moves and gets lost in the moment hahaha. It’s so unreal. I LOVE IT.

- [MELLO!]